Me and God

I was taught God First, Then Others, Then Self.

This model deals with God being an illusive guy that lords over me/us, making decisions without my/our input and giving us mostly the opposite of what is in my/our prayers.

Basically, people where tiny low creatures full of sin and faults. With this mind set no wonder I/we work so hard to prove our worth to God through wars, no wonder we abuse ourselves and each other with frustration trying to get God’s attention, and we hurt the earth and some think dominion over the earth means we can plunder it.

Feeling this way produces really destructive feeling.

In contrast, I remember some of my teacher taught that we are a spark of God in human form and our greats task on earth is to make that spark as bright as possible and share it through constructive acts. This is what moved me to look inside, to find the spark. I took it to heart, that the light inside of me/us is the way to find what we call God. Many people spoke of God, but didn’t work on shining up their lights, and I wanted to know God in earnest.

Basically this “God is out there” model gives this Him all the power, and I get to deal with the fall out. If you have the power you have the responsibility. That only makes sense. This leads to more questions and to there being some kind of cooperative situation at play.

I asked: I’m really suppose to agree that the omnipotent being answers NO to most of my prayers, when I give him 100% and follow his rules really well ~ yes I was a nerd, and a very good girl. Even when I pray for things like an end to war and for dad to stop raging and beating us the answer is no. And God can’t do anything about this…hmmm.

I can’t buy into a God who can’t stop his children from warring, most mom’s can teach their kids to get along and not kill each other, so an omnipotent God should be able to keep us from each other’s throats. Especially since so many wars and deaths are in his name.

But I have this huge faith in “God” a deep love that abides in all my choices and governs the way I treat people. I really do try to live by the example Jesus and later in life Buddha set(s).

So how do I find God? What God is really? I think the answer to this question is essential to knowing ourselves. Our ideas about God shape everything in our lives, even not believing in God shapes us. Some turn science for answers.

I think science is a wonderful gift. It is a way to observe, have input and understand mysteries for non mystical people. It is full of facts, but it is still growing and everyday giving us more gifts to understand, it can help us to transcend our differences by bringing people to together in a non theological study of life.

The more we know about science the more incredible and endlessly powerful the creativity of life, which could be called God is. At the time of this writing we are evolving in our theory of the big bang. It’s fascinating, the endless creative power in the universe, and in us.

In my opinion it confirms that God is inside and out. God watching Him/Herself, enjoying and learning from the play of inner/outer, light/dark, God, which we could call the Unified Field that underlies all things. God, the ultimate unity, is enjoying, or at least experiencing, duality looking out onto the playing field with and through us. We have a voice in the game, there is choice, but no control. There is a highest path, the one that I believe God encourages us to use, the constructive path. But we are not forced to follow this.

We have some input in the way the game is played. In the long run, God knows we/it all goes home, returns to the unified field, but we have a lot of input in the way we play this game, which is why God doesn’t stop wars, because it is a kind of human expression that we have the right to create and come to terms with. It is the dark frightened part of our minds that we have befriend and conquer with compassion, but that instead we mostly repress. Which I believe contributes to the wars.

We do have to put the effort into learning and evolving, into unifying ourselves internally. To be as God and bring our pieces into harmony and sync them together. To reconcile and experience duality as God/Goddess.

I believe wars and violence are an expression of human consciousness that needs to be healed and embraced, it’s obviously not going away. We can’t just sit back and let God deal with everything we all have to step up and become self aware, conscious and bring compassion to the places that need light. Fear is not knowing that there is something of God in us.

The world around us manifests according to our will and to the forces of nature. I do not believe we are “cast out of heaven” as sinners, but that we are on a journey to see what can be created in the vastness adventures of the universe. The biggest adventure being bringing together our pieces a.k.a. bringing all duality into harmony with the unified field.

My journey took me inside. Deeper and Deeper inside, until I know that inside is as infinite as outside. Inside is where God whispers to me, comforts me and explains things. Inside is where God makes sense, because inside God whispers to find those amazing qualities of Love, Compassion, Peace, and to stop the inner wars that lead to the outer wars.

Outside is where everyone’s creations come together, where the chaos and bliss of duality in its endless orgasm of creative power is on display. It is also where God paints us pictures, and gives us a container for our inner world to come to life.

So I am driven by God to live in my creation and to be effected by others creations. It is proof that I am no island and I have to choose not to be consumed by others worlds.

Interestingly, this is a journey of a Shaman, a Buddhisatva, a Contemplative Monastic view of the world. One in which you live according to what God whispers inside of your heart instead of according to what you are told to do, by someone who wants to tell you how to be saved because you are damned. It is the path of constructive action, the path of compassion and reconciliation with God, not being a servant or in opposition.

I believe that this religious model of fixing, punishing and purging the broken human, causes a further break, a distance from the truth inside. It pulls people into atrocities in the name of their religion masking itself as a vehicle to God. We all want so deeply to find God. To know we are safe and to understand why we are here on earth in the mist of this chaos. It causes people to be farther from the truth, because I don’t believe it is God’s will that we war and begrudge each other life, I believe it is the destructive mind, using God as an excuse to go destroy.

I pose that we are not broken at all, that is a way to make us afraid of life. This is promoted by those are so far away from God that they want us to join them so they are not so alone.

I pose that we are learning, on a journey, finding our way through the chaos of the universe. That the highest purpose of religion, science, sex, relationships is to provide a safe community in which we can explore, interact with fellow studiers and ultimately share the experience of finding the God that lives inside of us. That is the point at which we are all of the same origin, The highest purpose of religion is expressing this into the world around us and finding reflections of God in the world.

I believe, we think we are broken because we think we are suppose to know, or have the answers…we have so much to learn, and so many destructive bits that interfere with our growth as souls. It is a journey, a chance to learn and grow, we are not at the end game, or at least I hope we can do better.

“God is an inside job” is about as true a statement as has been made. When we bring our awareness to the God within us, we are safe in the vast and infinite world/universe. We are of and in this world, in my experience, the driver of your life should be the God inside. This God/Goddess is largely constructive.

The God inside doesn’t torture your mind or demand another conforms to your way. This God enjoys the differences, even the emotions that seem internally disruptive. This God loves to find itself in the world, to build, to experience and play.

God is inside and outside.